One day she deliberately made her wedding
ring seen to me, pretending that she didn’t mean to. By then she had not
revealed any information on her marriage status nor did I bother to ask. I am
not that sort of person who would head for a barrage of prying personal
questions. Nevertheless I sensed that her mind was entirely in a confusing
stage, not knowing whether to withdraw or allow the seeds to be sown, planted and
let it grow the way it might be. She couldn’t but resort to me for a decision
before we might overstep that boundary any minute given the unusual
relationship. Potentially formed in her mind was the impression that I was
always an able man to come up with a constructive solution to any tough
problem.“Yes but not
this kind! I am even more confused than you are now,” I thought to myself. Only
when we had known each other more did she mention her husband who was a seaman,
thousands of miles away from her.  Han
was her family name. Out of human morality, I knew better than to keep the
weird relationship going without any preparation for how it would end up. I
shall bear the consequence as a result of her marriage. So does she! Most of
the time people do things for a reason, sometimes they don’t. But the worst part
is that we don’t even know what we are doing. Life still had to go on after all.
That was how I was trained - to be a tough man, to live every single minute as
if it were the last one. To distract myself from thinking of her, I endeavored
to get myself busy by following a planned tight schedule. Apart from doing my
daily indoor exercise and the household chores, I took part in outdoor
activities as often as possible. Mostly I like playing basketball. Well, if
there is anything to complain about this beautiful city it would be the fact
that Xia Men is scant of public facilities for physical exercise such as
basketball playing ground. Xia Men University is my only resort for that
purpose. It takes half an hour’s drive to get there. The worst part is that
outsiders are banned from entry without authorization. My mates and I had to
wait and hit the best timing to sneak in and, on occasions, we even climbed
over the guard rails. Well, that was only when you had no other better options.

I took it for granted that life would come
back to track as it was. Yet it was too early to get into that conclusion.
There were times I tossed about in the superfluously widen bed sleepless at
nights. Eventually I surrendered myself to the representation of her look, the
things we talked and the joys we shared.

“Han, do you
dream of me at nights like I am dreaming of you all the time?” It kept haunting
me at the wrong time in wrong place. I had been suffering from insomnia a lot.
To make it worse, bad things never come alone. I had my ankle wrenched badly
when I was playing basketball one day. Upon being dropped from taxi I labored
along up the stairs with the support of handrails to my apartment. Having
applied some medical treatment on the wrest I sat still on couch, to be more accurately,
collapsed on it, muttering to myself, “what a day!” Then there were a series of
chained reactions and what came next was the mess in the house-unwashed
utensils in the kitchen, rumpled bed sheets and lightly-soiled clothes
scattered everywhere, accompanied by downhearted mood, irregular meal and
miserable snack... For the first time in my life, I was so eager for someone’s
company and a helping hand around. If there would be anyone I hoped for, it
would be no one but Han. Bearing the idea that she would better off without me
and there is her own family she belongs to, I did my endeavor not to bother her
while every beat of my heart was all about her. Gradually I found myself
weakening and worsening, coupled with a high fever that rendered me really
sick, so sick that I couldn’t even manage to move for a glass of water. The
miserable condition lasted for two days till I could not hold on any longer.

I phoned her up in the middle of night,
“Han!”

Immediately she recognized my voice, “You
call me finally, huh?”

“I…ah..i am..”
I spoke in a faint voice.

Before I could finish, she continued in
anger, “I thought you were determined to contact me no more”

I could also tell in her tone that it
seemed a relief to her that I finally rang her up.

“ Han, I…
am..ah...really, really sick, could you… come around?” I exerted all my
strength to raise my broken voice.

On the other side of the line, she seemed
shocked at my broken and weak voice and sensed something was wrong with me, “what? yes, I come, i am coming…”.

In less than ten minutes she reached me,
exhausted, with her hair left uncombed due to a rush out of her house. Against
the chilly wind in such a freezing

Winter night, her cheeks flushed red with
cold. While still recovering her own breath from the load charging all the way
up to my house, she raised me up on the feet and helped me in the winter
jacket. By the time we reached the hospital I was almost unconscious. I
couldn’t even remember how Han dragged me down and stuffed me into a cab. I
simply couldn’t image how she managed to, all by herself. In the afternoon on
the following day I opened my eyes to find myself laid

 in a
single-bedded ward. Before I could turn over, a familiar voice within my
earshot, “ Hey you! Welcome back to this world!”

“You must be
very hungry now! Is there any food you prefer to have? She asked with concern.

“I am not
picky on food, some noodle would be fine. Actually I need a piss more than a
meal now.” Strange enough, all of a sudden she seemed so familiar to me that I
didn’t even weigh up the words coming out of my mouth.

“you naughty
boy! I had better leave for something to fill up your poor stomach now.” She
giggled while pointing me at the toilet in the ward, “that will help.”

Within half an hour she
came back with some fruit in a bag, noodle in a convenient container and a
magazine. With my hand being occupied by the vein injection Han had to serve me
the soup spoon by spoon like feeding a baby with care. When she drew herself
close to me I saw a ring of shadow around her blood-shot eyes driven by
tiredness and scant sleep, coupled with aging wrinkles next to her eye corners.
I knew that Han had been going through a lot these days.

 She stood a round-the-clock vigil for me and had to rush up and down to look for a nurse to change my
medication in time and stand on her feet in the long queue before the counter awaiting
her turn to pay the bills. It was by no means easy for a woman like her to deal
with so much alone. Not every woman could stand such an unpleasant odor in hospital.
On top of that she might have to bear the burden how to confront her families
with explanation for her absence from home these days.

 Nevertheless Han never showed a sign of
impatience, not even a bit. She sat by the bed and read me the magazine from
cover to cover as a bed-time story at night before I fell asleep. Not in a word
could I paint the gratitude I was feeling from the deep bottom of my heart for
what she had done. The following day I persuaded the doctor that I was
recovering well enough to leave.

After undergoing some minor medical
examinations, the doctor prescribed me some additional doses of pills for me to
take at home and I was finally entitled to leave.

 Never
had I felt so good to be home again despite the messy condition of the house.
At least, I felt a great relief that I could spare Han a moment from hardship

 in
hospital and save myself from the guilty for that. Upon settled down, Han
waited no time to open the windows to allow an air circulation in the room and
set off to tidy up the mess, scrub the floor, mop up the kitchen and change the
bed sheet… Finally, Han, in a sweat, convinced herself of the cleanliness in
the whole with a satisfactory smile grown in her face. She gave herself a long
shower and had her hair dried. It was not long before I found her fall asleep
on the couch. I tucked her in gingerly with a piece of woolen blanket lest I
should wake her up. She slept tight on the couch still for the whole afternoon to
restore her vigor。。。

Before long I recovered fully from illness
under Han's special care. I had come into conclusion that it was exactly her
company that worked on me rather than those pills. People are so spoiled that
once they gain something better they wouldn't endure anything worse. No doubt! This
rule is applicable to me, too. How much I hope that she could be the very first
person seen when I wake up every morning, either greeting her with a sweet kiss
on the cheek or  simply watching her sleep
on bed like an adorable child. I need her so badly just like a heart needs a
beat.

Ever since then we had been dating  more often than it used to, spending more time
together, far more than it was supposed to, given the fact she was a married
woman. I had been showing up in her laundry with helping hands or sent on errands
to distribute customers the done clothes. In return she had been dropping me by
with handfuls of the needed for daily life, with which she had actually developed
a habit to stuff my refrigerator. There in my house she elaborately prepared delicious
meals that we shared, she had the dishes washed in the kitchen while I was
cleaning up the leftover on the table, thereafter we watched TV, played Chinese
chess. All events went on the right track as though we were a couple born for
each other. It was all of joys and laughter. For the first time in my life, I realized
this kind of life was actually what I longed for, couldn’t be more ordinary but
the happiness was beyond words. What you thought was extraordinary isn’t while what
you thought wasn’t is. That is how life appears to be. The border between us, however,
was maintained by struggling to keep ourselves a sound distance but it was so
vulnerable that both of us could tell it was bound to collapse sooner or later.